


Winter Blue and Yellow Summer

by Hecate



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 01:07:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hecate/pseuds/Hecate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's a soldier and he protects what he loves, even if he has to leave it to do so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winter Blue and Yellow Summer

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine. No money made.

The first time he wakes it's summer and he remembers nothing. He sleeps again, drugs pulling him under, and then autumn has begun and he returns to the world. He remembers then and when they tell him that his city has survived, he's glad.

Times goes by and he learns to walk again, learns old movements and they're all new now. They let him out of the military hospital and the red and yellow and blue of his planet greets him. For a moment he misses grey and blue and an ocean too wide to fit on earth, but the moment goes as it came and he knows he's home.

He's home and with his family and it's enough for a while. Then it isn't and he returns to the mountain that hides the gate and worlds beyond that. He's a soldier, never was anything else, and the rhythm of battle and defence is still as familiar as it was before life-sucking nightmares and a mythical city. He fights and he wins and even though earth will never know of his sacrifices it's everything he ever wanted.

But it's not everything he needs.

Sometimes he dreams of Atlantis. Atlantis sinking fast into the ocean, Atlantis under fire, on fire. Atlantis, in debris. The cause of the city's undoing is always different, but the end of his dreams are always the same. Atlantis going down and he can only watch, can't help, and before he wakes up he hears a woman scream.

It's only when the Atlantis Expedition is forced to return by the Ancients that he realizes whose voice he hears. That doesn't mean he understands. He never heard her scream like that and Teyla never needed his help. He tries to ignore what he knows but it's hard with Sheppard back, and the years between Atlantis and earth, between the Wraith attack and his recovery, are shrinking to nothing.

He tries to avoid Sheppard whenever he can, trades a salute and a few words with him when he can't. He finds out about Teyla through rumours but doesn't ask Sheppard for details. He almost doesn't care. When Sheppard, Weir, Mckay and Beckett vanish through the wormhole like some crazy horsemen he rejoices for seconds, worries for minutes, and forces himself to do his job instead of playing the waiting game. He still hears of their success and the relief he feels is the same as the one that came over him after the second time he woke up.

They're safe. Atlantis is safe.

He dreams of the city again that night, dreams of Teyla smiling at him. Another thing she has never done. He calls his CO the next morning, takes a few days off, and when he returns the Atlantis Expedition has left earth again and an e-mail from Sheppard waits for him. He knows what it will say before he opens it and he knows that he will say no.

But then he doesn't.

He dreams of the Wraith and he leaves for a mission that just goes so very wrong and he imagines the Wraith on earth and dreams of the Ori winning. He dreams of earth, too, earth going down like Atlantis before and he knows that Atlantis is one of the few things that stands between his planet and the Wraith. Atlantis and those who govern her.

He doesn't trust any of them.

He accepts Sheppard's offer, he packs his things again. New photos, some more books, and as he drives to the mountain for the last time the trees lining the road are almost naked. Winter is coming again, and he steps on a leaf as he gets out of his car. He picks it up, stares at it. Red and yellow, paper thin under his fingers, and he puts it between the pages of the book he has in his bag. His planet says goodbye and he smiles at the thought. He waves to the trees and the street and the sky, and he walks into Mountain Cheyenne, not turning back.

Earth looks small through the windows of the Daedalus, small and vulnerable, and it hurts to see her like this. He promises her he'll protect her and when he dreams it's summer on earth.

Atlantis and her planet look vulnerable, too, and he knows that he did the right thing when he sets foot on her again. They greet him with fake smiles, he offers his own in return, and he gets the same quarters he had before. Atlantis has changed in his absence but so has he. It's easier now to hide his anger, easier to ignore Teyla whenever he can and work with her when he has to. That has become easier, too, their distrust is the same but his anger isn't.

Sometimes, he wants to tell her of his dreams. Of her screaming, Atlantis dying. Of her smile and the dance of her feet as she fought in his dreams. He doesn't, they rarely talk, and he doesn't expect it to change. Her presence is an ache in his body, tension in his spine, heat in his blood. Anger and lust, and he understands this combination too well to deny it.

His missions go as well as they possible can most of the time, no Wraith, no Genii, just scared people doing whatever they can to survive. Sometimes they come across dead planets, ruins and empty villages, and he sees earth as a shadow over them, and he vows to fight until he can't. And even then he won't give up.

He visits the Athosians once, sits at their fires and listens to their stories. They're strong people, he knows that, fighting like he does, and if they'll go down, they'll go down swinging. He watches Teyla among them, wearing traditional clothes and a honest smile, and he understands her more than he wants to.

Teyla comes to him weeks after his return and he thinks he should be surprised. He isn't. He has been waiting for this since day one and when she enters his rooms he's ready for a fight. But the fight never comes.

Her voice is strained, the calm in the middle of the storm. A melody of regret and anger, a warning of what she would do if things between them go wrong again. She's ready to fight him once more, ready to protect herself, her people and Atlantis. He chokes down his laughter, tells her he feels the same - it's earth he's fighting for, his people he protects. 

She smiles then, his dream coming true too suddenly and he wonders if this is really happening or if he's dreaming again. Or if he's still back on earth, caught in the silence of the coma, slowly dying and imaging another life. Teyla leaves without another word while he still wonders if he's the man hanging from the tree, thinking he escaped while the noose ends his life. He pushes the thought away, sees the door closing behind Teyla, and forces himself back into reality.

It's summer here, he realizes, thinking of Teyla's light clothes and the sun warming him whenever he steps outside. A summer without flowers or trees, light glinting of the waves surrounding them. He thinks of the mainland, rough beaches, water that never warms up to be truly comfortable. It's not home.

It's winter on earth now, snow white and coldness, grey clouds and sky. He misses it, misses the crunch of snow under his boots, misses the familiar stars and streets. But he won't return, not now, not for a while. He's a soldier and he protects what he loves, even if he has to leave it to do so.

He thinks of Teyla then, how she left her people behind to live among strangers, and he knows that she, of all people, would understand. He almost smiles, stepping closer to the window and looking at the sky and the ocean. It's not earth, it's not home, but he can make a home here, try again and succeed this time.

He wonders if Teyla would teach him stick fighting, he looks through the pictures he brought with him, he touches the single leaf he stuck between the pages of Kerouac's "On the road". He walks Atlantis' hallways at night and listens to her sleeping.

Outside, he finds Teyla, her eyes closed, and he knows she listens, too. Standing beside her, breathing slowly, the waves below them, he thinks Atlantis almost sounds like home.


End file.
